let me tell you! there is something in this world i just can't say no to: door-to-door meat sales. i've turned away evangelists preaching the word of god, i refuse to participate in the neighbor child's school fundraiser, but give me a causally dressed guy offering frozen meat off a truck and it's apparently irresistable! i say "apparently" because, in retrospect, it's NEVER a good idea to buy frozen meat off a truck. yet, somehow, it always seems like the best darn idea in the world when faced with the meat salesman!
now, i had zero intention of buying the copious amounts of meat that now fill my freezer, but my mind must turn into one of their frozen steaks when the meat salesman knocks on my door! it's totally a scam, too. he knocked on my door and i *swear* i heard the word "free" in his "i've got some meat in my truck and i really want to be done with my job now and you'd really be helping me out" speech... but it was ANYTHING but free! that should've tipped me off there. but did the blatant weaseling me into a sales pitch stop me?! NO! NO! and NO!
he wanted to sell me something like 10 boxes of steaks and chicken for some crazy amount close to $300. oh NO! that's MUCH too expensive, i think. so, i do what any self-respecting homemaker does when faced with prohibitively pricey frozen meat sales... i try to talk him down. "there's no way this will all fit into my freezer," i say. he drops his price to $175. getting better for the frozen goods, but still not quite there... he finally goes down to $125. DEAL! but in the hustle, i've somehow walked away with only 5 of those original 10 boxes! WHAAA?!??! meat-blinders in full effect.
at some point during this carnivorous adventure, i talk to my wonderful husband on the phone who reminds me to look for the guy's truck. make sure it actually has a freaking corporate logo on it or SOMETHING! my god! has living in southwest virginia, where everyone's so sweet and generally trustworthy, rotted the common sense right out of my brain?! though that's definitely part of the equation, it's not the whole... i think it was just the MEAT! the MEAT rots my brain! "you didn't let him into the apartment did you?" asks my darling husband. "of COURSE! how else could he show me the MEAT?!" i mean DUH, right?!
during the sales spiel, this dude is going on and on about how "you can't get this meat for this price at your grocery store". OH YES, i obediently nod. DAMN STRAIGHT. those dirty, rotten grocery stores, man... those grocery store crooks are just out for your money! had my brain not been turned into frozen meat products, i could've CHECKED the meat in my fridge to see how true that was. (spoiler alert - it's not true AT ALL!)
so, i finally make my selections. i got a pretty good amount of stuff. 6 ribeyes, 6 bone-in strip steaks, 8 marinated chicken breasts, 8 pork chops, and 4 seasoned pork roasts. all that frozen goodness for $125. HELL YE-... uh.... wait a minute. that equals almost $4 FOR EACH PIECE! how could i have been so blind! 5 boxes of frozen meat for $125. that's $25 per box. that means i just paid $3.13 FOR EACH CHICKEN BREAST. oh, man. i just want to bang my head against a wall!
furthermore, the dude tells me not to talk to my neighbors about the DEAL he gave me! heaven forbid they get all jealous of my meat purchase! i think i will take his advice, though, so my neighbors don't berate me for my foolishness!
it occurs to me, after the fact of course, to check out the company online. see what other people think of the business. this place has an F from the better business bureau! OH cruel, cruel world! with your glistening frozen steaks and your charming sales people! i just hope there's no monkey business with my check. at least he didn't ask me to write the check to "cash"!
the worst part is... THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME! a few years ago, i, blinded by the lovely, red frozen beef before me, bought steaks off a truck from the same company! fortunately, they must not have sucked in terms of taste, or i HOPE i would not repeat the same mistake...
i am committing this experience to memory, however! i am BLOGGING IT! no longer will i be lured into the dreamy world of frozen meat! NO MORE! i will stand strong against meat-from-a-truck! i will treat meat salesmen with the same regard as the evangelists and elementary school kids who knock on my door! i will not be blinded by the prospect of steak for a month! i will practice these words in the mirror, "no, thank you. i'm not interested in purchasing your mesmerizing frozen meat today." I WILL PERSEVERE! I WILL LIFT THE CURSE OF THE MEAT TRUCK!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
lazarus
i hold my son in my arms.
his little breath warms my collarbone;
the sound of rain soft in the background.
we are bound together in a silhouette hug:
shadows on the wall
show two heads nestled together.
tiny blonde hairs make his head soft
against my cheek.
i inhale his sweetness, exhale my love.
my heart swells to bursting
as i lay him down
and he is quiet, content.
peaceful.
indeed, the room is filled with peace.
my heart is filled with peace.
his little breath warms my collarbone;
the sound of rain soft in the background.
we are bound together in a silhouette hug:
shadows on the wall
show two heads nestled together.
tiny blonde hairs make his head soft
against my cheek.
i inhale his sweetness, exhale my love.
my heart swells to bursting
as i lay him down
and he is quiet, content.
peaceful.
indeed, the room is filled with peace.
my heart is filled with peace.
Monday, February 21, 2011
the gilded age
i am pretty obsessed with the gilded age in american history after reading "the devil in the white city" by erik larson (which i finished a couple weeks ago). the book is about the world's columbian exposition, which took place in chicago in 1893; as well as the birth of america's first serial killer, h.h. holmes, who also did what he did in the same area of chicago, in the same time frame. anyone who's ever lived in chicago should read this book.
i can't wait to visit chicago again and walk where the gigantic buildings of the fair once stood. the only remaining building is what is now the museum of science and industry, overlooking the lagoon and wooded island (designed by frederick law olmsted - the same landscape architect who designed central park in nyc and the gardens at biltmore estate in asheville, nc). it was the fine arts building during the fair, and the only building meant to be permanent, as no one would house priceless works of art from around the globe in a flammable, temporary structure. one of the most amazing things to me is that the fine arts building was one of the SMALLEST buildings at the fair! SMALLEST! anyone who's been to MSI knows that it's ANYTHING but small! the largest building, the manufacturer's and liberal arts building, could've probably fit at least SIX fine arts buildings within its walls. and this was in 1893! the task of constructing such a building blows my mind to smithereens!
never before (and never since) had the world seen such an amazing display of ingenuity and innovation. it was here that so many products we take for granted were first revealed to the public: the zipper, shredded wheat, juicy fruit gum, the ferris wheel. not to mention, it had spring water drinking stations (with water piped in from wisconsin) and a fully functional fire department and security staff; and it was the first time our nation had seen belly dancers.
the whole event was akin to popping our nation's (and, indeed, the world's) imagination cherry. once someone of otherwise humble stature saw something like that, how could they fully enjoy the hum-drum life they had previously led? it was almost unfair to show so many people that much amazingness at once. surely after spending any time in such a magnificent place, everything else seemed boring.
that time period also served to pop the nation's innocence cherry. h.h. holmes was plain evil, building a giant murder castle on 63rd street. (in fact, looking up the address just now, i found that it was built near where the current kennedy king community college is. my dad taught there when i was little; it's possible i saw the very site where countless people were killed.) holmes, too, was innovative. his entire structure was designed to disorient, dissect, and dispose of bodies. he was innovative in his swindling. he never roused suspicion because he constantly fired his employees so no one worker ever saw the construction from start to finish. there were rooms with no windows that he could fill with noxious gas after trapping people (usually young women, in chicago to seek employment and independence) within their walls; there were chutes leading to the basement; there was a kiln in that basement. some of the bodies were articulated into clean skeletons for medical schools (back in the day, medical schools didn't bother to check the sources of such donations). no one would have been able to do the horrific things holmes did nowadays, but in the late 1800s, the public had never seen or heard of such dastardly deeds. the only known serial killer prior to holmes was jack the ripper, and he killed many fewer than h.h. holmes. holmes was an evil, demented genius; and i try to imagine what our world would've been if he hadn't existed. was it inevitable for humans to discover those evil extremes, or did holmes pave the way for others' sickness through emulation?
before this book, i hadn't really considered that period in history as particularly significant. now, i think that period of time has been unmatched in how it changed our nation and the entire world (mostly for good but for bad as well). i think about how much the world has changed in my measly 32 years, and i know it's nothing compared to the unbelievable advances from the late 1800s.
i can't wait to visit chicago again and walk where the gigantic buildings of the fair once stood. the only remaining building is what is now the museum of science and industry, overlooking the lagoon and wooded island (designed by frederick law olmsted - the same landscape architect who designed central park in nyc and the gardens at biltmore estate in asheville, nc). it was the fine arts building during the fair, and the only building meant to be permanent, as no one would house priceless works of art from around the globe in a flammable, temporary structure. one of the most amazing things to me is that the fine arts building was one of the SMALLEST buildings at the fair! SMALLEST! anyone who's been to MSI knows that it's ANYTHING but small! the largest building, the manufacturer's and liberal arts building, could've probably fit at least SIX fine arts buildings within its walls. and this was in 1893! the task of constructing such a building blows my mind to smithereens!
never before (and never since) had the world seen such an amazing display of ingenuity and innovation. it was here that so many products we take for granted were first revealed to the public: the zipper, shredded wheat, juicy fruit gum, the ferris wheel. not to mention, it had spring water drinking stations (with water piped in from wisconsin) and a fully functional fire department and security staff; and it was the first time our nation had seen belly dancers.
the whole event was akin to popping our nation's (and, indeed, the world's) imagination cherry. once someone of otherwise humble stature saw something like that, how could they fully enjoy the hum-drum life they had previously led? it was almost unfair to show so many people that much amazingness at once. surely after spending any time in such a magnificent place, everything else seemed boring.
that time period also served to pop the nation's innocence cherry. h.h. holmes was plain evil, building a giant murder castle on 63rd street. (in fact, looking up the address just now, i found that it was built near where the current kennedy king community college is. my dad taught there when i was little; it's possible i saw the very site where countless people were killed.) holmes, too, was innovative. his entire structure was designed to disorient, dissect, and dispose of bodies. he was innovative in his swindling. he never roused suspicion because he constantly fired his employees so no one worker ever saw the construction from start to finish. there were rooms with no windows that he could fill with noxious gas after trapping people (usually young women, in chicago to seek employment and independence) within their walls; there were chutes leading to the basement; there was a kiln in that basement. some of the bodies were articulated into clean skeletons for medical schools (back in the day, medical schools didn't bother to check the sources of such donations). no one would have been able to do the horrific things holmes did nowadays, but in the late 1800s, the public had never seen or heard of such dastardly deeds. the only known serial killer prior to holmes was jack the ripper, and he killed many fewer than h.h. holmes. holmes was an evil, demented genius; and i try to imagine what our world would've been if he hadn't existed. was it inevitable for humans to discover those evil extremes, or did holmes pave the way for others' sickness through emulation?
before this book, i hadn't really considered that period in history as particularly significant. now, i think that period of time has been unmatched in how it changed our nation and the entire world (mostly for good but for bad as well). i think about how much the world has changed in my measly 32 years, and i know it's nothing compared to the unbelievable advances from the late 1800s.
Friday, February 18, 2011
holy breast milk, batman!
my poor baby is sick. he's snuffly and can't breathe easily when he's lying down and trying to sleep. i don't have any saline for him yet, but i remembered this morning that breast milk can be squirted in his nose to help break up the gunk!
breast milk is amazing stuff! it has antibacterial properties that make it possible to be stored without being chilled for a few hours, AND it's this antibacterial property that makes it good to squirt in baby noses.
well, i've had some crazy nose stuff going on myself. i guess i'd call it SEVERE over-dryness. it's been going on for months, progressively getting worse. i've tried saline drops and saline gel, but those almost seemed to make matters worse. i have a humidifier that i'm not using because it desperately needs thorough cleaning, and i haven't had many moments to myself to deal with it. my nostrils are so dry that i'm constantly picking what appears to be the skin off of the inside of my nose. OUCH! sometimes, nose hair is pulled out with it. my nose bleeds daily. i've been trying to avoid going to the doctor for it since i generally have a deep mistrust for doctors, and my regular doctor isn't excluded. my nose hurts to the touch on most days. i was having these nose issues this morning when i realized:
I CAN PUT BREAST MILK IN MY NOSE!!!
so, i split a cotton ball in half; hand-expressed some milk on each half until each was dripping; and shoved those suckers in my nostrils! i kept them in for probably about 20 minutes this morning. my nose hasn't felt this good in a LONG time! now, it's not perfect. i'm sure i'll need to repeat this treatment for a while, but this is an awesome start! further proof that breast milk ROCKS! and it rocks for more purposes than just feeding a baby!
i wonder what other amazing medical marvels breast milk can perform...
breast milk is amazing stuff! it has antibacterial properties that make it possible to be stored without being chilled for a few hours, AND it's this antibacterial property that makes it good to squirt in baby noses.
well, i've had some crazy nose stuff going on myself. i guess i'd call it SEVERE over-dryness. it's been going on for months, progressively getting worse. i've tried saline drops and saline gel, but those almost seemed to make matters worse. i have a humidifier that i'm not using because it desperately needs thorough cleaning, and i haven't had many moments to myself to deal with it. my nostrils are so dry that i'm constantly picking what appears to be the skin off of the inside of my nose. OUCH! sometimes, nose hair is pulled out with it. my nose bleeds daily. i've been trying to avoid going to the doctor for it since i generally have a deep mistrust for doctors, and my regular doctor isn't excluded. my nose hurts to the touch on most days. i was having these nose issues this morning when i realized:
I CAN PUT BREAST MILK IN MY NOSE!!!
so, i split a cotton ball in half; hand-expressed some milk on each half until each was dripping; and shoved those suckers in my nostrils! i kept them in for probably about 20 minutes this morning. my nose hasn't felt this good in a LONG time! now, it's not perfect. i'm sure i'll need to repeat this treatment for a while, but this is an awesome start! further proof that breast milk ROCKS! and it rocks for more purposes than just feeding a baby!
i wonder what other amazing medical marvels breast milk can perform...
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
multiple personalities?
somehow, i have two personalities on my blog... one is the one i set up expressly for the purpose of the blog. the other is where i've signed in using my yahoo account. now there are two of me out there following blogs. strange.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
HEY, DUMBASS! GO GET YOUR HAMMER!
how do you define success?
in the fairy world (according to Disney's Tinkerbell movie) attaining success is easy! Tinkerbell was born a fairy; she grabbed a hammer; it glowed. done deal. end of story. that was Tinkerbell's gift - to fix things, to use tools. she even tried to "change" her talent, which led to a series of mishaps, ranging from soaking all her friends with dew drops from a spiderweb to almost getting eaten by a hawk. when she did something outside of her talent, the cosmos said, "HEY! TINKERBELL! DUMBASS! QUIT IT! GO GET YOUR HAMMER!"
if the cosmos would be so kind as to yell at me occasionally, i sure would appreciate it!
i think i was always taught that to be successful one had to cram as much knowledge in one's head as possible. success was not about money, it was about brains. i come from a family of teachers. teachers don't make a lot of money. theirs is the success that comes from helping people and being knowledgeable. ( i think doctors are similar, but they have the added bonus of making tons of money too.)
unfortunately, cramming my head full of information hasn't worked out for me so far. i lived a cerebral academic life (uh, sort of) for a while, but a problem i've seemingly always had is that i tend to absorb the information without retaining its origin. so, shit, i don't know if the thoughts in my head come from plato or buber, hegel or homer... i just have all of these ideas with no context floating around in there.
i've read in my horoscope before that i have a hard time finishing things. it's not even so much that, but i have a hard time living up to my own standards, making myself great. when i look around, i see people with goals. it's as though i fear what will happen if i actually follow through with a long-term plan. hell, i still don't really know what i want to do with my life.
when i was in middle school, i was making straight a's (because i was bored). i made a conscious decision to not do as well in a class so i could "improve". the problem was, i never brought my grade back up. i just kept doing crappy work so i could "improve" later. what sort of skewed logic is that, anyway? "if i fuck up, then when i'm doing better, it'll seem like i'm doing MUCH better!" instead, i feel like i'm mediocre behind a veil of potential; and potential can only carry you so far. having potential is cool when you're 21. when you're 50, and all you have is potential, that's not nearly as cool.
dave b. once asked me during an end-of-semester conference, "why don't you want people to know how smart you are?" i've thought about that long and hard over the years. and the only answer i've come up with is that i just don't feel that smart. but i've seen people who i firmly believe are stupider than i am accomplish all sorts of things!
but again, it's not even lack of smarts. it's a mental block that prevents me from doing anything (lofty or otherwise) with my knowledge. how can i overcome this? this fear of living up to potential.
perhaps i'm afraid that if i become the best "me" i can be, i'll constantly have to live up to that form (aristotle, right?). i'll never again be able to just chill- to sink back into the comfy couch of imperfection. once i become the form of me, is there any going back? i think i don't want people to hold me to a high standard. if i don't live up to my potential, no one will ever expect anything more of me than what they see. i'm safe! free to relax! away from the piercing stares of people who want me to succeed. (is it this obvious that i'm a perfectionist? really?!)
i am not a teacher. i am not a doctor. i think success, in large part, is, and should be, measured in whether you can pay your bills. i'm not talking making loads of cash, but being able to live without anxiety about money.
in the fairy world (according to Disney's Tinkerbell movie) attaining success is easy! Tinkerbell was born a fairy; she grabbed a hammer; it glowed. done deal. end of story. that was Tinkerbell's gift - to fix things, to use tools. she even tried to "change" her talent, which led to a series of mishaps, ranging from soaking all her friends with dew drops from a spiderweb to almost getting eaten by a hawk. when she did something outside of her talent, the cosmos said, "HEY! TINKERBELL! DUMBASS! QUIT IT! GO GET YOUR HAMMER!"
if the cosmos would be so kind as to yell at me occasionally, i sure would appreciate it!
i think i was always taught that to be successful one had to cram as much knowledge in one's head as possible. success was not about money, it was about brains. i come from a family of teachers. teachers don't make a lot of money. theirs is the success that comes from helping people and being knowledgeable. ( i think doctors are similar, but they have the added bonus of making tons of money too.)
unfortunately, cramming my head full of information hasn't worked out for me so far. i lived a cerebral academic life (uh, sort of) for a while, but a problem i've seemingly always had is that i tend to absorb the information without retaining its origin. so, shit, i don't know if the thoughts in my head come from plato or buber, hegel or homer... i just have all of these ideas with no context floating around in there.
i've read in my horoscope before that i have a hard time finishing things. it's not even so much that, but i have a hard time living up to my own standards, making myself great. when i look around, i see people with goals. it's as though i fear what will happen if i actually follow through with a long-term plan. hell, i still don't really know what i want to do with my life.
when i was in middle school, i was making straight a's (because i was bored). i made a conscious decision to not do as well in a class so i could "improve". the problem was, i never brought my grade back up. i just kept doing crappy work so i could "improve" later. what sort of skewed logic is that, anyway? "if i fuck up, then when i'm doing better, it'll seem like i'm doing MUCH better!" instead, i feel like i'm mediocre behind a veil of potential; and potential can only carry you so far. having potential is cool when you're 21. when you're 50, and all you have is potential, that's not nearly as cool.
dave b. once asked me during an end-of-semester conference, "why don't you want people to know how smart you are?" i've thought about that long and hard over the years. and the only answer i've come up with is that i just don't feel that smart. but i've seen people who i firmly believe are stupider than i am accomplish all sorts of things!
but again, it's not even lack of smarts. it's a mental block that prevents me from doing anything (lofty or otherwise) with my knowledge. how can i overcome this? this fear of living up to potential.
perhaps i'm afraid that if i become the best "me" i can be, i'll constantly have to live up to that form (aristotle, right?). i'll never again be able to just chill- to sink back into the comfy couch of imperfection. once i become the form of me, is there any going back? i think i don't want people to hold me to a high standard. if i don't live up to my potential, no one will ever expect anything more of me than what they see. i'm safe! free to relax! away from the piercing stares of people who want me to succeed. (is it this obvious that i'm a perfectionist? really?!)
i am not a teacher. i am not a doctor. i think success, in large part, is, and should be, measured in whether you can pay your bills. i'm not talking making loads of cash, but being able to live without anxiety about money.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
icebreaker
i figure the first post is always the hardest... when i used to write in a journal, the blank pages would tease me. you have to make the first page GOOD! as long as the first page is decent, the rest of the pages could be useless...
so, random thought going on in my head:
i really miss a particular book store that i used to frequent... it was Books, Strings, & Things. i LOVED it! i used to drive my friends crazy, dragging them in there to check out the fiction section. i'd pour over each and every (alphabetically ordered) book. i'd drink in the titles, the cover illustrations. i'd almost always leave that store with something! i bought anais nin books there. i bought a d.h. lawrence book there... then it closed and a cigar bar / coffee shop took its place. roanoke hasn't been the same since.
i miss the roanoke of my high school years. it's a strange city to me now. trying to be something it's not... trying too hard to be big. it's like a little pre-adolescent city sneaking makeup and short skirts to school. not letting itself evolve naturally, but being forced into its destiny.
i was a writer then... almost, sort of, kinda a real writer... i used to drink coffee at the coffee shop, smoke my cigarette on the stoop. give people dirty looks when they'd try to peer at what i was writing! (well, okay, that really only happened once.) those were such exploratory times.
love.
so, random thought going on in my head:
i really miss a particular book store that i used to frequent... it was Books, Strings, & Things. i LOVED it! i used to drive my friends crazy, dragging them in there to check out the fiction section. i'd pour over each and every (alphabetically ordered) book. i'd drink in the titles, the cover illustrations. i'd almost always leave that store with something! i bought anais nin books there. i bought a d.h. lawrence book there... then it closed and a cigar bar / coffee shop took its place. roanoke hasn't been the same since.
i miss the roanoke of my high school years. it's a strange city to me now. trying to be something it's not... trying too hard to be big. it's like a little pre-adolescent city sneaking makeup and short skirts to school. not letting itself evolve naturally, but being forced into its destiny.
i was a writer then... almost, sort of, kinda a real writer... i used to drink coffee at the coffee shop, smoke my cigarette on the stoop. give people dirty looks when they'd try to peer at what i was writing! (well, okay, that really only happened once.) those were such exploratory times.
love.
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